Reconnect with each other.
Couples Therapy & Marriage Counseling
Go from “Things could be better,” to “Extraordinary.”
Improve communication so that you can get back to enjoying each other
I’m willing to bet you and your spouse…
Want to learn how to best express yourselves so that you can really hear and see each other and problem solve together… without your conversations spiraling into blame and defensiveness
Want to practice how to talk about emotionally-charged topics (issues with in-laws, alcohol use, or an issue with the children) with understanding and compromise, without the interaction devolving into stubbornness and hardheadedness
Need a way to talk about recent interactions that went badly, take responsibility for your part, and meaningfully apologize, repair, and move on
Are ready to talk about heavy topics with a sense of calmness, and even a dose of humor, rather than an escalation
Are hopeful for the future of your relationship, but you want to adjust some of the communication patterns and go from “things aren’t bad, but they could be better” to “extraordinary”
…If that’s you, you’re in the right place.
You want couples therapy to show you how to…
Communicate without accusations or defensiveness
Learn how to repair the disagreements and apologize after fights
Interrupt the negative cycle of fighting
Find the passionate spark and deep friendship that used to be your default
Here’s what we’ll do together
Couples therapy can help you grow closer.
Throughout your time in couples therapy, you and your partner will learn new ways of expressing yourself. You’ll start talking and relating to each other in ways that will help strengthen your relationship and don’t include hurtful criticisms, defensive reactions, or stony silence.
I will show you how to work on creating an emotionally non-threatening environment where you both can discuss difficult topics and become more comfortable being vulnerable with each other. This will allow you to repair past hurts and prevent conflicts from spiraling in the first place.
You and your partner will also learn tools and strategies to improve how you bring up sensitive topics in the first place — without starting it out with, “What were you thinking? You ALWAYS…..” You’ll learn to prevent arguments from escalating to the point of no return.
An important part of therapy will be listening to each other, understanding each other’s perspective, and effectively expressing your own emotional needs. Doing so will help you feel more supported and emotionally close.
You and your partner will make a point to regularly express love and appreciation — even for things the other person “should” already be doing. This will grow your friendship and act as a buffer against conflict and external stress.
Finally, you will create shared rituals and routines that help you feel close and supported, like emotionally connecting with each other on a daily basis. Over time, this will help you feel more in sync, like a connected team.
Go from this…
“You never listen to me!”
“I only did this because you did that!”
Yelling, slamming doors, or threatening divorce during disagreements.
Eye-rolling, sarcasm, name-calling.
To this…
Talk about your emotions and express a need.
Take responsibility and own up to your behavior without blaming your partner.
Take a break and self-soothe when emotions are running high.
Validating your partner’s perspective even if you have a different perspective.
What Does the Process Look Like?
Below is a breakdown of the couples therapy process.
Before we start the process of working on the relationship, I do a thorough and comprehensive assessment on all the couples I work with. This is standard practice done by Gottman trained couples therapists. The assessment phase is comprised of three 90-minute sessions.
Here is what that looks like for you:
Session One: 90 Minutes, Couple Together
I want to know about your relationship’s history. I’ll be asking questions about things such as: how you met, why you chose each other, what dating looked like for you, how you decided to get married, what you remember from your wedding and honeymoon, what the transition to becoming parents was like (if applicable), the happy times, and the stressful times.
These questions are intentional and give me a lot of context and detail for what your dynamic is like currently and how it’s been in the past.
Session Two: 90 Minutes, Each Partner is Seen Individually for 45 Minutes
I want to give you each a chance to talk to me privately about your narrative of the issues in the relationship, as well as your goals for couples therapy.
I will also ask questions about you as an individual person: your mental health, family history, relationship history, substance use, etc.
Please note: while I will honor your privacy, secrets are not kept in couples therapy.
In between sessions 2 and 3, I will email both of you a 480-question survey (“Relationship Checkup Survey”) about your relationship.
You both get the same survey, but your answers are kept private and only I am able to see them. I won’t be sharing your answers with your partner under any circumstances.
The software that scores your survey will give us an overview of the strengths of your relationship, as well as the challenges. This overview will serve as a road map for the couples therapy moving forward.
Session 3: 90 Minutes, Couple Together
During this session we will go over the Relationship Checkup Survey. You will be given information about the strengths and challenges of your relationship based on your answers, and what it will look like during therapy to address the issues. Theory and research are discussed so that you have an understanding for why we’re doing what we’re doing.
Most of the time, the results of the survey are not surprising to the couple. But, it is helpful to talk about where these problems come from and what they look like in practice, not just in theory, as well as what it looks like to change them. It also gives some hope to see your strengths as a couple highlighted.
Session 4 and Beyond
During the subsequent sessions, we will focus on treating the issues in the relationship. When clients ask how long the overall process takes, I typically say to plan for 6 months - 2 years. That doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll meet every week for that long, but it does typically mean that your relationship is in the treatment phase for that amount of time. Of course, this varies by couple and could be longer or shorter, depending on the circumstances and needs of the couple.
Typical issues addressed in session 4 and beyond include, but are definitely not limited to:
The foundational friendship between the two of you: how well you really know each other, how you express [or don't express] fondness and appreciation, and how you respond to each other's needs and desires for connection.
How conflict is handled in your marriage: the way emotional topics are brought up, how the discussion progresses, and whether or not you are able to repair after a painful interaction.
Perpetual problems - the disagreements you continually fight about and can't seem to come to an agreement or compromise on: in-laws, parenting, household labor, finances, etc.
Trust: whether or not you believe your partner has your back and acts in your best interest, not just their own.
Insurance and Payment Information
My fee is $300 per 60-minutes. Sessions that are 90-minutes are billed at $450. I am happy to offer a Superbill with a Z-code for you to submit to your insurance company, but not every insurance company reimburses for Z-codes so you would need to ask customer service about your specific policy. I am not in network with any insurance company so I am unable to bill them directly.
Couples Therapy Will Teach You the Necessary Skills & Tools to Transform the Relationship…
Throughout couples therapy, you and your partner will learn practical skills to improve interactions between the two of you.
Based on the Gottman Institute’s research and my own observations, learning and practicing these skills tend to transform marriages in the following ways:
Emotional Safety
Partners feel secure being vulnerable with each other
There's less walking on eggshells or fear of conflict
Both people feel accepted and understood, even during disagreements
Conflict Patterns
Arguments become more productive and less hostile
Couples can disagree without it threatening their relationship
Recovery from fights is faster and repair attempts are more successful
Small issues stay small instead of escalating into major fights
Day-to-Day Connection
There's more joy and playfulness in everyday interactions between the two of you
Partners notice and appreciate each other more
Small moments of connection become natural and frequent
Both people feel seen and valued in daily life
Intimacy and Closeness
Physical and emotional intimacy tends to improve
Partners stay curious about each other rather than assuming they know everything
There's a deeper sense of friendship underlying the romance
Trust becomes more solid and reliable
Individual Growth
Partners feel supported in pursuing personal goals
There's room for being your own person within the relationship
Both people can grow and change while staying connected
Resilience
The relationship becomes more stable during hard times
You quickly recover from misunderstandings, miscommunications, or hurt feelings
There's confidence that your relationship can handle whatever comes up (job loss, health challenges, etc.)
Shared Purpose
The relationship has deeper meaning beyond day-to-day logistics
Partners feel like they're building something meaningful together (ie: working towards shared goals like saving for a dream home)
There's a sense of being on the same team in life
Shared dreams and values become clearer
Mental and Physical Health
Both partners usually experience less chronic stress
There's often improvement in sleep quality and immune function
Mental health tends to improve with better relationship security
The home environment becomes more consistently peaceful
It's worth mentioning that "mastery" of these skills does NOT equal perfection — even the happiest of couples still have conflicts, hard days, and interactions they aren’t proud of. The difference is they have the necessary tools to repair after the fact.
The amount of progress a couple makes depends on many factors, including (but not limited to) their commitments to:
Each other and the relationship
The therapy process and the change process
Taking care of themselves (ie, their own mental health, personal growth, self-reflection, etc.)
This is a good fit if you…
Are committed to your relationship, but are not sure how to improve it.
Are open to feedback and changing your behavior both in session and at home.
Are interested in the science and research behind what makes relationships go the distance.
Want additional resources for learning like books, blog articles, and podcasts.
This is not a good fit if…
You’re not willing to work on your behavior and you’d rather blame your spouse for the problems.
There is ongoing domestic violence or infidelity you aren’t willing to be honest about.
One or both of you are strongly considering divorce. Look at discernment counseling instead.
You are set on divorce and are only looking for mediation or coparenting support.
Contact me today to get started in couples therapy.
Questions?
FAQs
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My fee is $300 per 60-minutes. Sessions that are 90-minutes are billed at $450.
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No, I am not in-network with your insurance company. I am happy to offer a Superbill (an itemized receipt) with a Z-code (not a diagnosis) for you to submit to your insurance company for reimbursement after you pay for your sessions, but not every insurance company reimburses for Z-codes. You will need to ask customer service about your specific policy. I am unable to bill your insurance directly.
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Yes! The methods I use in couples therapy sessions are supported by over 40 years of scientific research with thousands of couples.
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This is a valid concern. In any case of marital problems, family members and friends almost always “take a side,” so it’s understandable to be concerned your couples therapist will do the same thing.
In every conflict, I believe each of you have your own individual perspective, and you both are right. You each come from their own specific background of experiences, beliefs, and values. Rather than litigating “the facts”, it’s more important for both partners to learn to effectively express themselves and validate each other.
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Ending the relationship is a serious decision that only you and your partner can make. It’s not my place or my role to advise whether or not your relationship should continue. My job is to help each of you adjust your behavior for the betterment of yourself, your partner, and your relationship. In doing this, you can make an informed decision about the future. With that being said, if you and your partner come to the place where the decision to end the relationship is on the table, I will walk through that with you.
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Definitely not! Many partners come in because they want outside help before making a major life decision such as getting married, moving in together, etc. In fact, you don’t even need to be partnered to benefit from the type of skills a person learns in therapy. Lots of people come into therapy to process through and learn from a break up or a divorce, or to work on themselves so they can be a better future partner.
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Getting started is easy! Just contact me with any questions or concerns, or to schedule your first therapy session.
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