Reconnect with each other
Marriage Counseling in
Seattle, Washington
Go from “Things could be better,” to “Extraordinary.”
Improve communication and intimacy so that you can get back to enjoying each other
I’m willing to bet you and your spouse…
Want to learn how to best express yourselves so that you can really hear and see each other and problem solve together… without your conversations spiraling into blame and defensiveness
Want to practice how to talk about emotionally-charged topics (issues with in-laws, alcohol use, or an issue with the children) with understanding and compromise, without the interaction devolving into stubbornness and hardheadedness
Need a way to talk about recent interactions that went badly and take responsibility for your part so that you can meaningfully apologize, repair, and move on
Are ready to talk about heavy topics with a sense of calmness, and even a dose of humor, rather than an escalation
Are hopeful for the future of your relationship, but you want to adjust some of the communication patterns and go from “things could be better” to “extraordinary”
…If that’s you, you’re in the right place.
You and your partner are…
Struggling with communication breakdowns.
Exhausted by the unresolved conflicts and resentments.
Ready to repair the trust.
Missing the friendship and spark that you used to have.
Here’s what we’ll do together
Marriage counseling in Seattle can help you grow closer.
During marriage counseling in Seattle, you and your partner will learn new ways of relating to each other. Practicing this new skill will transform your relationship over time.
We'll work to create an environment where you both feel safe being vulnerable. This will allow you to discuss difficult topics openly and honestly. You'll finally be able to address hurts from the past and begin the healing process.
You'll develop communication tools and strategies to stop arguments before they spiral out of control. An essential part of the process will be listening to each other, understanding one another's perspectives, and expressing your own needs effectively. This will help you feel more connected and supported. The two of you will feel more at peace with each other.
Making a habit of showing love, admiration, and appreciation probably seems basic. But actually, it's vital to nurturing your marriage. It nourishes your friendship and acts as a buffer when conflicts arise. You can start small with thoughtful gestures, like bringing home fresh seafood from Pike Place Market. We will practice other ways you can do this in your daily life in Seattle.
We will also work on establishing shared routines that reinforce your bond as a couple and help you feel more connected overall. Going for a walk along the Seattle waterfront, trying a new restaurant in the International District, or escaping to the San Juan Islands for a weekend getaway are ways you can reconnect. Over time, these new habits and skills will enable you to relate as true partners and a team again.
The goal is to learn how to break negative cycles and improve understanding of one another. This will empower you to move forward together in a healthier, more fulfilling direction. With effort and willingness, couples therapy can provide you with a roadmap to get your relationship back on track.
Couples Therapy Will Teach You the Necessary Skills & Tools to Transform the Relationship…
Throughout couples therapy, you and your partner will learn practical skills to improve interactions between the two of you.
Based on the Gottman Institute’s research and my own observations, learning and practicing these skills tend to transform marriages in the following ways:
Emotional Safety
Partners feel secure being vulnerable with each other
There's less walking on eggshells or fear of conflict
Both people feel accepted and understood, even during disagreements
Conflict Patterns
Arguments become more productive and less hostile
Couples can disagree without it threatening their relationship
Recovery from fights is faster and repair attempts are more successful
Small issues stay small instead of escalating into major fights
Day-to-Day Connection
There's more joy and playfulness in everyday interactions between the two of you
Partners notice and appreciate each other more
Small moments of connection become natural and frequent
Both people feel seen and valued in daily life
Intimacy and Closeness
Physical and emotional intimacy tends to improve
Partners stay curious about each other rather than assuming they know everything
There's a deeper sense of friendship underlying the romance
Trust becomes more solid and reliable
Individual Growth
Partners feel supported in pursuing personal goals
There's room for being your own person within the relationship
Both people can grow and change while staying connected
Resilience
The relationship becomes more stable during hard times
You quickly recover from misunderstandings, miscommunications, or hurt feelings
There's confidence that your relationship can handle whatever comes up (job loss, health challenges, etc.)
Shared Purpose
The relationship has deeper meaning beyond day-to-day logistics
Partners feel like they're building something meaningful together (ie: working towards shared goals like saving for a dream home)
There's a sense of being on the same team in life
Shared dreams and values become clearer
Mental and Physical Health
Both partners usually experience less chronic stress
There's often improvement in sleep quality and immune function
Mental health tends to improve with better relationship security
The home environment becomes more consistently peaceful
It's worth mentioning that "mastery" of these skills does NOT equal perfection — even the happiest of couples still have conflicts, hard days, and interactions they aren’t proud of. The difference is they have the necessary tools to repair after the fact.
The amount of progress a couple makes depends on many factors, including (but not limited to) their commitments to:
Each other and the relationship
The therapy process and the change process
Taking care of themselves (ie, their own mental health, personal growth, self-reflection, etc.)
What Should We Expect?
Below is a breakdown of the couples therapy sessions.
Before we start the process of infidelity recovery, I do a thorough and comprehensive assessment on all the couples I work with. This is standard practice done by Gottman trained couples therapists. The assessment phase is comprised of three 90-minute sessions.
Here is what that looks like for you:
Session One: 90 Minutes, Couple Together
I want to know about your relationship’s history. I’ll be asking questions about things such as: how you met, why you chose each other, what dating looked like for you, how you decided to get married, what you remember from your wedding and honeymoon, what the transition to becoming parents was like (if applicable), the happy times, and the stressful times.
These questions are intentional and give me a lot of context and detail for what your dynamic is like currently and how it’s been in the past.
Session Two: 90 Minutes, Each Partner is Seen Individually for 45 Minutes
I want to give you each a chance to talk to me privately about your narrative of the issues in the relationship, as well as your goals for couples therapy.
I will also ask questions about you as an individual person: your mental health, family history, relationship history, substance use, etc.
Please note: secrets are not kept in couples therapy. If the affair hasn’t ended, or if there is contact with the affair partner, etc., I will be making a plan with the betraying partner to tell their spouse during the following session.
In between sessions 2 and 3, I will email both of you a 480-question survey (“Relationship Checkup Survey”) about your relationship.
You both get the same survey, but your answers are kept private and only I am able to see them. Under no circumstances will I ever share your answers with your partner.
The software that scores your survey will give us an overview of the strengths of your relationship, as well as the challenges. This overview will serve as a road map for the couples therapy moving forward.
Session 3: 90 Minutes, Couple Together
During this session we will go over the Relationship Checkup Survey. You will be given information about the strengths and challenges of your relationship based on your answers, and what it will look like during therapy to address the issues. Theory and research are discussed so that you have an understanding for why we’re doing what we’re doing.
Most of the time, the results of the survey are not surprising to the couple. But, it is helpful to talk about where these problems come from and what they look like in practice, not just in theory, as well as what it looks like to change them. It also gives some hope to see your strengths as a couple highlighted.
Session 4 and Beyond
During the subsequent sessions, we will focus on the 3 phases of infidelity counseling (see above). When clients ask how long the overall process takes, I typically say to plan for 1-2 years. That doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll meet every week for that long, but it does typically mean that your relationship is in the healing phase for that amount of time. Of course, this varies by couple and could be longer (ie: if there have been multiple affairs, the level of remorse and honesty, the willingness of each partner to be open and vulnerable, etc).
Go from this…
“You never listen to me!”
“I only did this because you did that!”
Yelling, slamming doors, or threatening divorce during disagreements.
Eye-rolling, sarcasm, name-calling.
To this…
Talk about your emotions and express a need.
Take responsibility and own up to your behavior without blaming your partner.
Take a break and self-soothe when emotions are running high.
Validating your partner’s perspective even if you have a different perspective.
Couples therapy is a good fit if you…
Are committed to your relationship, but feel stuck when it comes to how to improve it.
Are open to feedback and changing your behavior both in session and at home.
Are interested in the science and research behind what makes relationships go the distance.
Want additional resources for learning like books, blog articles, and podcasts.
Couples therapy is not a good fit if…
You’re not willing to work on your behavior and you’d rather blame your spouse for the problems.
There is ongoing domestic violence or infidelity you aren’t willing to be honest about.
One or both of you are strongly considering divorce.
You are set on divorce and are only looking for mediation or coparenting support.
Let’s get started.
Questions?
FAQs
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All types of licensed therapists can effectively provide marriage counseling:
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)
Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC)
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PhD/PsyD)
Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC)
The most important thing is to find a therapist with specific training and experience in couples/marriage therapy, regardless of their credentials.
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Studies indicate 70-80% of couples report improvement after counseling, with about 50% reporting significant long-term positive changes.
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The basic elements of couples therapy and marriage counseling (communication, friendship, conflict management, etc.) are the same. Occasionally, marriage counseling will include marriage-specific issues like shared assets.
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Common problems are:
Communication
Infidelity
Financial conflicts
Intimacy issues
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Try to avoid:
Absolute statements ("you always/never")
Threats of divorce
Speaking for your partner
Lying or withholding information
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Two approaches have the highest success rates:
The Gottman Method — ~70-90% success rate at 4-year follow-up
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) — ~75% success rate
Both methods are evidence-based.
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The numbers vary, but many statistics put the percentage between 38-50%.
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Depending on the severity of relationship problems, couples can spend anywhere from 3 months to 2 years in therapy.
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Yes! The methods I use in couples therapy sessions are supported by over 40 years of scientific research with thousands of couples.
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High commitment and cost (money, time, effort)
Can expose painful issues
Both partners must be willing to participate
May lead to decision to separate
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Yes, counseling helps marriages when both partners are committed to the process and open to change. Success rates are highest when couples seek help early in their conflicts.
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This is a valid concern. In any case of marital problems, family members and friends almost always “take a side,” so it’s understandable to be concerned your couples therapist will do the same thing.
In every conflict, I believe each of you have your own individual perspective, and you both are right. You each come from their own specific background of experiences, beliefs, and values. Rather than litigating “the facts”, it’s more important for both partners to learn to effectively express themselves and validate each other.
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Ending the relationship is a serious decision that only you and your partner can make. It’s not my place or my role to advise whether or not your relationship should continue. My job is to help each of you adjust your behavior for the betterment of yourself, your partner, and your relationship. In doing this, you can make an informed decision about the future. With that being said, if you and your partner come to the place where the decision to end the relationship is on the table, I will walk through that with you.
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Definitely not! Many partners come in because they want outside help before making a major life decision such as getting married, moving in together, etc. In fact, you don’t even need to be partnered to benefit from the type of skills a person learns in therapy. Lots of people come into therapy to process through and learn from a break up or a divorce, or to work on themselves so they can be a better future partner.
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Getting started is easy! Just contact me with any questions or concerns, or to schedule your first therapy session.
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Couples therapy in Seattle is conducted 100% online. I use a secure, HIPAA-compliant video platform that is simple to use.
Mental Health Resources in Seattle, WA
Driving Directions to Seattle, WA
From the North (around Everett, WA area): Start by heading south on I-5 S toward Seattle. Continue on I-5 S for about 30 miles. Use the left lanes to take exit 167 for Mercer St or exit 165B for Denny Way to enter downtown Seattle.
From the South (around Federal Way, WA area): Begin by heading north on I-5 N toward Seattle. Drive for approximately 30 miles, following I-5 N directly into downtown Seattle.
From the East (around Issaquah, WA area): Take I-90 W toward Seattle. Continue on I-90 W for about 30 miles. Use the exit for I-5 N toward Vancouver BC, then merge onto I-5 N and follow signs for downtown Seattle.
From the West (around Kitsap Peninsula): Take the WA-16 E across the Tacoma Narrows Bridge, then follow signs to merge onto I-5 N toward Seattle.
About Seattle, WA
Seattle, Washington is a major coastal city located in King County.
Seattle is renowned for its iconic landmarks like the Space Needle, a towering observation tower built for the 1962 World's Fair.
Seattle is famous for being the birthplace of companies like Microsoft, Amazon, and Starbucks.
Major attractions include the lively Pike Place Market, with its fresh seafood and produce stands, as well as the Museum of Pop Culture.
People appreciate Seattle for its stunning natural scenery, proximity to outdoor activities, vibrant music and arts scene, and thriving technology and innovation industries. The city's neighborhoods like Capitol Hill and Fremont offer unique shopping, dining, and entertainment experiences reflecting Seattle's diverse cultures.